2 things that should NOT be confused with physical attraction

The study involved 17 participants described as “very in love” and showed that brain regions associated with motivation and reward were highly active when looking at loved ones.

So when you hear someone say they “had chemistry” with someone else, that’s probably why. Activation of brain areas with dopamine. However, genuine romantic connection and chemistry aren’t the only variables that can make our hearts flutter, our palms slide, and our cheeks flush.

Here are two things that can have similar effects to romantic chemistry, but should never be confused with it:

1. Attractiveness

Have you ever had a conversation with an attractive person and by the end of it you were convinced that he was the one for you? You’re definitely not the only one who’s been in this situation. Unfortunately, you’re probably also a victim of your own neurochemistry. While attraction is certainly an important aspect of connection for some individuals, it does not mean that the feeling will be mutual.

According to a 2014 study in Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, for heterosexual people certain brain regions will be predictably active when looking at an attractive member of the opposite sex. These regions are:

Nucleus accumbens. A key region for the brain’s reward circuits that process pleasure, reward and motivation. It is usually activated in response to stimuli that our brains find satisfying. In such cases, this activation is crucial for mating and social meaning.

Medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC). Associated with social cognition, self-referential processing, and decision-making. In the context of attractiveness, the mPFC is what helps you “evaluate” and contributes to how desirable you think the other person is.
Dorsal anterior cingulate cortex (dACC). Involved in error detection, conflict monitoring and attention. DACC is probably what makes it so hard to turn your attention away from someone attractive, especially if they’re a potential romantic interest.
Orbitofrontal cortex. Related to evaluating reward values ​​as well as emotional processing, this region is what helps you evaluate the pros and cons of things around you. It informs you how you would approach and interact with this person.

There’s no denying the similarities between the brain’s role in romantic chemistry and attraction; both have a strong impact on our reward systems. But these two phenomena can – and often will – appear interdependently. It can be hard to ignore parts of your brain that tell you that the attractive person in front of you is your one true love, but it’s still in your best interest to try.

2. Kindness

We’ve all wondered before: are they flirting or just being nice? Maybe someone gave you a gift, a compliment, or wrote you a kind note. These small acts of kindness bring joy to the recipient.

There is an abundance of research linking kindness to oxytocin, colloquially known as the “love hormone.” Acts of kindness, both for the giver and the receiver, will increase the neurotransmitter that plays an essential role in social connection, trust and attachment. However, to assume that whoever is nice to you wants a romantic relationship can put you at severe risk of disappointment.

People who are kind to us tend to have a certain “glow”. However, this is also a neurochemical.

As Jessica Andrews-Hanna—psychological researcher and associate professor at the University of Arizona—explains in an interview, “The ‘warm glow of giving’ is a theory that suggests that when we give, it leaves a warm fuzzy feeling inside ourselves that lingers over time and creates a glow of goodness about us.” She continues, “We can create this warm glow not just by giving physical gifts, but by engaging in other acts of kindness, such as compliments.”

Remarkably, her descriptions of the neurological effects of giving and receiving kindness are surprisingly similar to romantic chemistry: “Brain imaging evidence also suggests that both gift giving and gift receiving activate central areas of our brains associated with reward and pleasure. .”

In other words, that twinkle in someone’s eye, the warmth in their smile, or even the excitement in their voice when they do something nice for you doesn’t automatically signal romantic interest. These outward signs of kindness, while gratifying, are better evidence of one’s capacity for empathy; they are not necessarily a bold statement of deeper feelings. The confusion of these moments risks misreading genuine goodwill as something it isn’t—which will be awkward.

While kindness can evoke chemical reactions similar to romantic chemistry, they too can occur independently. It’s simply better not to read too deeply into someone’s random act of kindness; instead, take it at face value. After all, kindness is something we can – and should – afford to anyone, appropriately forbes.com.