Around 242,000 weddings were celebrated in France in 2022 then in 2023, according to the latest INSEE survey on marriages. An increasing trend, due to the postponements of unions during the Covid-19 pandemic, even though they have been decreasing since the early 2000s. Is marriage scary? According to psychologists, the fear of alliance exists, materializing in anxiety so extreme that it can sabotage a serious relationship.
A study published in August 2024 in the journal Family Transitions examined young adults’ feelings toward marriage. It reveals that a good number of individuals are deeply suspicious of this stage of their lives, often seen as crucial. The American magazine Forbes brings together the main reasons for this distrust.
Growing up with divorced parents leaves its mark. The Canadian researchers behind the survey found that people whose parents are separated are more likely to have a negative attitude toward marriage. In fact, children of divorce often internalize the belief that relationships are fragile.
However, others see their parents’ divorce as a useful lesson in building healthier, stronger relationships. Thus, people who have experienced a successful second parental marriage often report more positive feelings towards the union of a couple in general, which highlights the possibility of a second chance and personal fulfillment.
A bad thing?
Even for young adults whose parents stayed together, growing up in a conflict-filled home can be discouraging. Another search, published in April 2024 in The Family Journalreveals that people raised in conflict environments often associate alliances with discord and unhappiness, fearing that their own romantic relationships will follow the same path.
Marriage phobia can also arise from discomfort with closeness in relationships. Psychologists distinguish between a “close” and an “avoidant” attachment style. According to this theory, people with an “avoidant” attachment style often fear intimacy and emotional dependence: they therefore hesitate to take the plunge into marriage. For these individuals, the union with the spouse can symbolize vulnerability and loss of autonomy – elements that they find uncomfortable or even threatening.
“These anxieties are often protective mechanisms from our past, but they should not define our future. Understanding the origin of these fears is the first step towards eliminating them. For those who struggle to accept the idea of marriage, self-knowledge and deliberate action offer hope.”writes the American psychologist Mark Travers in his article for Forbes.
Still, “fear of marriage” is not a bad thing in itself. It can inspire us to carefully evaluate what we want from a lifelong partnership, motivate us to challenge inherited beliefs, or break generational patterns.
Source: www.slate.fr
