We’re not going to lie, hearing that you’ve been disastrous after sex is difficult to accept. It can even paralyze us for a moment. First of all, no one is, in essence, a good or a bad move, rest assured. It could be that you and your partner have a communication problem or bad chemistry. Yes, it happens to everyone, don’t worry.
First point: let’s stop believing that we have to be sex gods, as the teen romantic comedies of the 1990s made us believe. Sex, initially, is a relationship between two bodies, not necessarily an athletic performance. So put Strava aside when you are about to have sex, you are not going to receive kudos (the likes in the sports application) at the end.
So it’s best to focus on the report when it happens. Put down your phones and close Instagram, really. “We may be distracted, overworked, stressed or thinking about our to-do lists, which can cause anxiety, embarrassment or insecurity.”explains psychotherapist Eloise Skinner, interviewed by the British daily The Independent. In other words, the more distracted you are, the less in tune you will be with your body. “To bring our mind back to the present moment, we can try focusing on physical sensations, which can usually reconnect us to our body”suggests Eloise Skinner.
Communication, creativity, laughter and emotional connection
Another point not to be overlooked: communication. This is an essential aspect of understanding what your partner wants. “Making love in a breathtaking way, without communicating, is a Hollywood cliché”recalls sexologist Leigh Norén. This representation encourages a culture of silence in sexuality, which makes communication between people difficult on this subject.
But remember that communication can also be non-verbal, which means that communicating does not necessarily mean a formal conversation at 7 p.m. on the way home from the office. “This can be expressed through a shared understanding of physical gestures or body language, which help your partner understand what you are feeling and experiencing”also advises Eloise Skinner.
Creativity also remains one of the keys. With long-term partners, you may stay in your comfort zone, without worrying about whether one or the other is bored. If you are lacking inspiration, Eloise Skinner, again, gives us some advice. “You can find inspiration in external sources (movies, books, shared experiences, etc.), or by sitting down with your partner to ask them about their fantasies and explore different ideas together”indicates for example the psychotherapist. It’s true, it could be a great idea. Simply, choose your films or books wisely.
Also, don’t take sex too seriously. Be willing to laugh when the situation is a little awkward, or even when you are aware that you have not been confident. Because the day you miss your report, you risk feeling very stupid. So breathe, you’re not getting ready to run an Olympic 100-meter final every time (plus, it’s often around ten seconds).
Finally, fifth and final point: don’t neglect your emotional intimacy. Sex does not only exist within the four walls of the bedroom, even if this representation has been instilled in us, once again. It’s even better to have an emotional connection outside of sex. In any case, this is what Victoria Rusnac, sexuality coach, tells us: “Most couples have a good sexual connection, but also an emotional one. Emotional intimacy is the key to keeping passion in bed.”
Source: www.slate.fr
