And what if in reality the opposite situation happens, that a man has problems with erection and premature ejaculation? What then, what would it be like foreplay, intercourse, orgasm, and her reaction to all that?
A sexual act is an exclusive thing in itself – or at least it should be. In fact, in every sexual relationship we enter into, we hope that it will be, if not phenomenal, then at least good enough.
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However, sometimes it happens that the body does not listen to us enough, due to fatigue, mental stress or fears – memories of past unsuccessful situations.
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Many people are the most sensitive when it comes to sex, and this is precisely the group of people who will not run away from sex, because they love it enough to know that they cannot escape from it.
How can you escape from something that is a part of you?
It would be the same as if you wanted to escape from human relations, but that is simply impossible, because we are social, interdependent beings.
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Some (for example, monks) tried to escape from the world, but this did not lead them to true liberation. No amount of running away from what is real, what exists as part of existence, will help you.
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The clients who come to me understand the importance of sex, and maybe some of them didn’t think like that before admitting to themselves that the problem exists. When people have some discomfort in relation to what happens while making love – they are not sufficiently connected to their partner, cannot maintain and deepen excitement, feel numb, have difficulty reaching orgasm or it is pale and “elusive”, then they feel that something is wrong, so they hope that it will somehow (on its own) fix itself.
However, once the worm of doubt enters the sex process, it is difficult to get rid of it.
Many do not have the right tools to deal with it in an adequate way, because our sexual socialization does not really support it – many believe that they need to have sex several times a week, to ejaculate several times during sex, to always maintain an erection, to be only those responsible for the partner’s orgasm, that if there is an interruption during sex – then there is no going back, that they have beautiful and large genitals so that the functionality would be good, that they are always up to the task regardless of everything (and at the price of faking an orgasm – even some men, not just women, do it).
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Well, that approach is disastrous. All the above-mentioned imperatives, through which you should prove and show yourself and your partner some of your worth and self-respect, are, in fact, stereotypes about sex that keep you trapped in your mind and inhibit your sexuality.
It is not uncommon for men to have two problems at the same time.
Sometimes it is difficult to identify which came first, the problem with erection or premature ejaculation. It usually happens with these men that they start having sex, then due to great insecurity and tension there is an impulse to cum, but they stop (so as not to cum quickly), then the erection starts to fall (because it is not a stable arousal), then in a panic they make another quick movement to save the erection, but then there is no going back – ejaculation is inevitable.
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This standard scenario can be repeated quite often, so when they come for therapy, the erection is very unstable, so that it is imposed as the primary thing.
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You cannot work on gaining ejaculation control if the erection is not stable. That’s why the whole process requires gradualness, because through a slower pace and practice we get to quality excitement. Later, we devote ourselves to the control of ejaculation.
In such circumstances, one more thing is evident: the tension is sometimes so great that some even ejaculate without a significant erection – it is partial or absent at all (many men practiced this unconsciously even when they were single – it was only important to release the tension, through ejaculation).
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It is not uncommon for these two problems to be confused, even though they are at different stages of sexual response.
All this tells us that the problem can spread and generalize, that one problem induces another, and that in the end we have a loss of desire for sex and avoidance of sexual activity.
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Just as an erection requires excitement, control of ejaculation requires less tension.
Excitement without tension sounds impossible, right?!
However, it is possible, if there is a base of security and trust. That’s why we treat depressive and anxious moments the same as sexual ones.
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Sometimes things that seem to have nothing to do with sex are, in fact, the main saboteurs of sexual enjoyment and indulgence.
Source: www.sitoireseto.com