A number of people, when other people pay attention to their emotional partner, feel nervous, angry and jealous. However, it also happens that then their partner becomes even more attractive. Israeli and American scientists have dealt with this paradox.
In the experiment that examined flirting and jealousy, 244 people participated, of which 126 were women and 118 were men.
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The first results of the analysis show that, as the scientists say, the desire for a partner still weakens in those who notice that other people pay them more than usual attention. The researchers called it the “flirting paradox”, according to a statement from the University of Rochester, USA.
The first author of the study is Gurit Birnbaum, a psychologist from Reichman University in Israel.
“A large amount of research that has already been done has shown that when a person is looking for a partner, they often rely on social cues such as copying the choice of a partner. This happens in both animals and humans, and is considered a kind of shortcut to identifying a desirable partner because, if it is clear that others are also interested in a certain person, this makes him more attractive and desirable in society,” the researchers state.
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However, it seems that this simple formula does not apply when it comes to emotional connections that have already been made, according to a study published in The Journal of Sex Research.
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“The problem is that once we’re in a relationship, we become concerned about something called partner kidnapping, and we’re troubled by the thought that someone could separate us from our partner,” says Harry Rice, a professor in the Department of Psychology. in Rochester.
Attention, not control
A new study examined the impact of flirting on already established emotional relationships.
Research has shown that people have a mix of positive and negative approaches when looking to keep a partner. Giving gifts and spending time together are examples of positive tactics, but an approach that implies, for example, controlling the partner’s time, is negatively evaluated,” explains Birnbaum.
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“We’ve found that when people think there’s a chance their partner will be attracted to someone else, they abandon positive tactics,” adds Birnbaum.
The fear of losing a partner can thus trigger a defensive reaction that prevents us from feeling hurt, which is emotional distancing and withdrawal.
“That defensive response is there to cushion a possible blow to one’s self-esteem, not to further bond with a partner who might be compromised and the other hurt,” Birnbaum said.
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244 people, 126 women and 118 men, aged from 20 to 53, participated in the experiments. All had been in monogamous relationships for at least four months.
“Don’t flirt with others if you want your partner to be happy with you,” Rice singled out as one of the conclusions of the study.
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Birnbaum added that while some people think it’s good to make their partner jealous, research shows that the tactic often “backfires.” Instead of strengthening the relationship, such behavior can seriously threaten it.
Source: www.sitoireseto.com
