Dare we rethink our taboos about sex?

Oral sex, sodomy, masturbation, libertinage, candaulism, BDSM, role playing… Even when they are legal, taboos in matters of sexuality remain very present and arouse strong emotions such as disgust, shame, guilt but also, sometimes, fascination.

However, they generally remain unthought of: their very nature as taboos often prevents us from thinking about them calmly. Putting the subject on the table does not mean that all taboos are inherently bad, that they should be rejected en bloc and transgressed at all costs. It is rather a question of thinking about a peaceful sexuality, both free from moral, religious and social norms and prejudices, and not prejudicial, based on mutual consent between adults.

To ask these questions is to question a neutral conception of sexuality, as does Guillaume Durandlecturer in philosophy and bioethics at the University of Nantes, in his book Sex and Taboos – How Far Can Transgression Go?which was published at the end of August by Hermann. I had the pleasure of talking with him for this column.

Moral shock

“My book is based on what the American social psychologist Jonathan David Haidt calls the taboo “moral astonishment”retrace Guillaume Durand. A taboo is both what is forbidden and not talked about, but it is also what is shameful and what provokes strong emotion. The moral shock that taboos cause prevents us from reflecting, from thinking, from trying to understand why some provoke shame and/or are forbidden.

The philosopher takes the example of masturbation. Although it is absolutely lawful, harmless and is no longer as repressed as in the past, it remains for many an uncomfortable subject, rarely discussed whether within a couple, in the family, at the doctor’s or the shrink’s office. Guillaume Durand wonders: “The question is: ‘Why?’ Why does it remain taboo? Obviously, it’s a whole story that makes masturbation, like other sexual practices such as fellatio or sodomy, have been treated in our culture as a somewhat exceptional behavior, notably due to the influence of religions, which have thought of sexuality as “good” on a moral level and dedicated to procreation.”

But, even if the weight of religion has dissipated, and many of us have no religious affiliation, the fact remains that moral emotions (shame, guilt) surrounding onanism persist today. And this is because we generally persist in thinking that sex should be something disinterested, situated within the framework of a loving relationship with a partner. Perhaps even, and this would partly explain the disgust that some feel, we judge it to be “against nature”.

Taboos, social markers constructed by our education

For Guillaume Durand, this taboo and the violent emotions that accompany the sex are the result of our education. “Some consider that it is innate, that it protects us from things in nature that would be unnatural and dangerous for us.believes the bioethics specialist. But I think that this naturalist argument does not work. Let us take the example of sodomy. We know very well that it is not dangerous, neither for the perpetuation of humanity, nor for our survival, nor for our well-being. There is no link. I think that the most rational, the most reasonable, is to think that this disgust is the product of a more or less conscious education which distances us from a certain number of behaviors.

However, thinking about sexual taboos in the manner of a philosopher does not mean promoting them or inviting transgression in general. Because it is also about taking into account the notion of consent and the conditions in which this consent can be said “free and enlightened”.

“One of the fundamental theses of my book is to defend a sexual, pluralist and minimalist democracydevelops Guillaume Durand. That is to say, conduct between consenting adults, or at least mature and consenting people, which does not cause harm or injury to anyone, should be tolerated in a democracy. The whole question is to define the conditions of free and informed consent. I am trying to show that we can find criteria of discernment, understanding of the situation, maturity (and therefore age).

Now that the framework has been set, how can we change our taboos regarding sexuality today? How can we make those that are only prejudices fall? How can we move the cursor from shame and disgust to behaviors that truly deserve them? It is necessary to take hold of these issues, to question these prohibitions, to talk about sexuality without shame and without the mocking or falsely provocative tones that characterize certain statements on the issue.

“My way of responding is to write and to do it in a way that is accessible enough for the greatest number of people.expose Guillaume Durand. In most of my recent books I try to be an accessible philosopher.” His book Sex and taboos is a good example of this, due to its clarity and ease of access. “I also think that we need to promote access to sexual medicine for citizens, that we need to make the voices of sexual doctors, sexologists, specialist psychologists, etc. heard.”he continues.

To this list, I would add sociologists, historians, fiction writers, creators of erotic and pornographic content, particularly queer and feminist, but also members of associative and community life. (By the way, I am delighted to contribute to this weekly column, in order to give them a voice and tell you about their productions.)

The philosopher also suggests that we should perhaps rethink our relationship with pornography, which itself remains a sort of taboo. “Pornography often appears as the enemy that corrupts youthrecalls Guillaume Durand. It is true that there is a part of pornography that can induce inappropriate behaviors and beliefs about what sexuality is. But there can also be more feminist pornography, content that is more respectful of people and that allows fantasies to be fed. Content that also allows us to learn and educate.

The necessary sex education

Precisely, education is important and not just for those over 18. Guillaume Durand thus insists on the necessary education on sexuality which is still too lacking in schools, colleges and high schools. “We must ensure that we do not talk about sexuality only to talk about sexually transmitted infections and contraception, but that we talk about it positively, that is to say, about the pleasures that we seek and find in sexual activity.”

The lecturer in philosophy specifies: “This obviously does not mean masturbation sessions as some very conservative opponents have led us to believe. But it is about explaining how to give pleasure, take pleasure while respecting the other. Explaining what a sexual relationship is that is respectful of each person.”

“It’s weird to say that in 2024 in Francehe adds. Unfortunately, we are still in a society that hides sexuality, that veils it, that treats it as shameful or separate behavior and that cannot free itself and totally free sexuality.” It is indeed strange to think that we currently live in a society where a person who masturbates is sometimes more shameful than a sexual aggressor…