Benching is a relationship practice in which a person maintains minimal and intermittent interest in a potential partner, effectively keeping him on the bench. The feeling experienced is constant waiting and frustration.
Behind the partner who “doesn’t want to commit” there is often a relational behavior that leads him to keep the other on the bench, waiting for a change or greater commitment, defined as Benching.
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Premise: Today’s relationships are much more fluid than in the past, and sometimes so fluid that they seem inconsistent. In fact, in recent years, a panorama of new terms has opened up that define forms of elusive relationships such as “benching”.
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This practice, which at first glance seems harmless, hides a dynamic of power and insecurity, both for those who suffer it and for those who carry it out. But what is it actually? benching and what are the reflections that arise from it?
What’s up Benching?
Benching comes from the sports term “to bench”, which means to put someone on the bench. In the romantic field, it refers to the behavior by which a person keeps a potential partner in a state of uncertainty and expectation.
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In practice, the “bencher” continues to show enough interest to maintain contact, but not enough for the relationship to evolve into something serious and concrete. This can manifest itself through occasional messages, sporadic calls, or vague promises of future commitments.
Then why is he looking for me, if he doesn’t want to commit?
One of the main reasons why benching is so popular is the need for validation. Benchers they often try to keep their ego fed by the attention and affection of more people. In other words, it’s a way for them to feel wanted and important without having to deal with the responsibilities and risks of real emotional commitment.
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For bencherbenching someone can offer the illusion of control and power, avoiding confrontation with one’s own insecurities or fear of commitment.
Fear of abandonment
Paradoxically, those who deal benching they may also be driven by a deep fear of abandonment.
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Keeping multiple potential relationships on hold can serve as a defense mechanism to avoid feeling lonely or rejected. This creates an emotional safety net that often ends up hurting everyone involved.
Reflections for those who find themselves on the bench
For those who suffer from benchingthings are certainly less pleasant: a life of waiting and hoping that the story will start leads to a state of uncertainty and insecurity, to the point of feeling anxiety and feelings of personal devaluation or feelings of not being important enough to deserve real commitment.
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That is why it is necessary to look back at ourselves and the dynamics of relationships by asking ourselves some questions.
He doesn’t want to commit: Three questions to ask yourself
Why do I accept this situation?
Thinking about your own motivations can be enlightening. Often, accepting an ambiguous relationship can be related to low self-esteem or fear of loneliness.
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It is important to ask yourself if you are accepting less than you deserve to avoid facing these fears.
What needs am I trying to satisfy?
Identifying the emotional needs that the relationship, however ambiguous, fulfills can help you better understand why you stay in it.
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Is it socializing? Validation? Hoping for a better future? Or am I just not ready to commit? Understanding these needs can be the first step in finding a healthier way to meet them.
Do I deserve better?
We often accept this attitude because we don’t believe we can do better. It is important to remember that everyone deserves a relationship that offers respect, clarity and mutual commitment.
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Boundaries and self-respect when faced with someone who doesn’t want to commit
Setting clear boundaries and working on your self-esteem and a clearer attitude about what you want and deserve – especially with yourself – can help you avoid ambiguous and unsatisfactory situations.
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Confronting and talking to those who don’t want to commit but still keep us hanging can seem like a daunting task, but it can also be a crucial step towards clarity and liberation. Let’s see why:
Clarification of intentions
An open conversation can help clarify the other person’s intentions. Often, those who hold back are not fully aware of the impact their behavior has on others.
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An honest conversation can bring to light mutual expectations and desires, allowing both parties to make better informed decisions.
Reclaiming personal power
Expressing your feelings and concerns is an act of self-affirmation. It shows that you are aware of your worth and that you deserve respect and clarity. This can help you regain control of the situation, instead of remaining passive and at the mercy of other people’s decisions.
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Also, being in an unclear situation is not good for your self-esteem. By talking, you can prevent further disappointment and pain. It is better to face the painful truth immediately than to prolong the emotional agony.
You encourage personal growth
Difficult conversations are opportunities for personal growth. Facing your fears and vulnerabilities can strengthen you emotionally and improve your communication and relationship skills. This will better prepare you for healthier and more fulfilling relationships in the future.
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Benching is a practice that, unfortunately, is increasingly common in modern relationships.
Recognizing the signs and thinking about your own motivations and needs is essential to avoid being trapped in ambiguous and unsatisfying relationships.
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Every individual deserves a relationship based on respect, clarity and reciprocity, not waiting for a person who doesn’t want to commit but keeps us tied to him waiting.
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Taking the time to think about these dynamics can lead to more informed choices and healthier relationships.
Source: www.sitoireseto.com
