In one of the previous columns, it was also discussed, but right now I would like to talk about another form of addiction, which I had the opportunity to see for myself during my work with clients, and that is addiction to a certain emotional state.
Most often, it is an addiction to negative, unhealthy emotions, such as anger, difficult forms of grieving, depression, but pleasant emotional states also occur.
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On the one hand, we can see this as resistance in therapeutic work, but on the other hand, the analysis of this can point us to important therapeutic hypotheses about the functioning of the person himself.
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When a person is in a continuous state of emotional pain, there are subtle, micro changes in the body that condition the emergence of addiction to chemical substances that are secreted under the influence of these emotions, and just changing this pattern can be just as difficult as “getting off” a certain chemical substance.
An emotional addict seeks out negative, stressful attachment patterns, and feelings of love and emotional pain or stress merge and become one. Very often, these people love emotionally unavailable people or stay in relationships that are emotionally difficult and exhausting.
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What does physiology say?
Research into this type of addiction is on the rise today, and on the physiological level, the addiction is actually not from pain, but from free-floating endorphins that accompany pain.
Let us remind you that endorphins are secreted whenever we experience pain or injury, and the chemical structure is similar to that of opiates, as well as the mechanism of action – pain blockade.
Also read this: Emotional dependence – what is your love fix?!
Emotional stress leads to increased effort, and if it is constant, the body sends continuous streams of endorphins, which leads to an anesthetic effect. With the increased effect of endorphins, we can of course still feel, but we need stronger stimulation, such as the emotions of anger, rage, strong sadness and fear.
These triggers further release endorphins, which lead to emotional numbing and a somewhat false sense of security in the world.
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In fact, as with any addiction, we create a shield around ourselves that protects us from feelings that are difficult for us to deal with or for some reason we do not want to admit to ourselves, such as tenderness, the ability to surrender completely, vulnerability, self-hatred, self-loathing or, in many cases, emptiness or lack of meaning in life that we don’t know how to deal with.
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Anything is better than admitting to ourselves that we don’t really know who we are and why we are here.
Or to admit to ourselves that we don’t know how to function in “beautiful”, or without what that other person gives us.
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The truth is that we still haven’t built the mental readiness and knowledge to function in the field of constructive emotions, as well as to actually create those emotional states for ourselves, not our partner. It’s hard to let go of the image that we fell in love with what we wanted to see and what our own image evoked in us, rather than what our partner projects in reality.
My personal experience indicates that people who experience this problem, which can be any of us at some point in their lives, first of all, need to become aware of the pattern they follow and discover the deeper layers of emotions that are beneath the surface they manifest.
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It is necessary to help a person to meet himself and discover his identity and learn to sail on the wave of his feelings, even if it is boredom or the occasional feeling of meaninglessness.
Also read this: Fatal attraction – why do we stay with emotionally unavailable partners?!
Because there is no meaning without meaninglessness, as well as love for others, without love for oneself, right?
Source: www.sitoireseto.com
