Energy vampires and social witches

Energy vampirism seems to be an interesting topic lately and it seems important to learn who these corrupt robbers of our vitality and joy are, how to hold your energy tightly close to you and as far away from their reach as possible and not give it away at any cost .

It seems logical at first glance. My energy is my thing and I don’t give it to anyone who wants to steal it and feed on it. A man has to protect himself and from something to live, and without his energy he can do neither.

When you take a closer look at the list of those vampires, the situation does not look pleasant or safe at all. That list also includes those who want to fight all the time, those who play games and manipulate, socially skilled conquerors and “pullers”, bullies, controllers, questioners, those who are intrusive who take the lead and those who are withdrawn and seek attention, those who are aware of their vampirism, determined to drain us and the others, unaware of their nature.

There are also those who are constantly sick, negativists, overly optimistic, tearful or unreasonably joyful, those who talk too much and those who are passive-aggressively silent.

And the whole story is not finished there, nor is the list complete!

There are also hyperactive uncritical people who jump into everything and anything, but also analytical ones control frikova who are too careful and can’t do anything, there are also those who are constantly in trouble, but also those who are phenomenally successful in everything and who only talk about themselves. Those who eat too little as well as those who eat too much, those who never smile, superficial, disorganized and overly organized are listed somewhere.

It is also written that because of them we become grumpy, drained, depressed, that we develop even very serious diseases and that it is difficult to get rid of them once they get hold of you. They kill inspiration, happiness and peace, destroy our self-confidence, and it is no wonder that the advice is to avoid them and avoid them in a wide arc.

At first glance, the list seems terrifying, it almost makes one wish they don’t go anywhere and don’t interact with anyone, and to study in detail all the self-defense techniques from these ruthless immoral entities that are swarming around us with the intention of sucking us out. However, if we think a little, or even worse, if we start looking for the few non-vampires with whom we could not give energy to each other in peace, the situation becomes completely critical. They are almost impossible to find. Two conclusions emerge.

Either almost all of them became vampires, which is not unusual when we know that vampirism is easily spread by biting, or all these vampires are actually just people!

We will easily conclude what is in the middle if we recognize that the essence is actually that whenever we do something against our will and participate in something that bothers us, we alienate, that is, we give away our energy and inevitably as a result we feel empty and exhausted. That is why it seems that this is not a problem of vampirism, but that it is very likely a problem of setting boundaries according to what we do not like or what we do not want and difficulties in authentically expressing our needs and desires.

This setting of boundaries and communicating needs openly is not easy at all. Fearing what someone will think and how our environment will react to this honesty in behavior, we most often choose to mold ourselves into socially desirable patterns of behavior and do what we think is expected of us or explicitly asked of us.

Fearing that we will come across as insensitive, self-absorbed, peculiar, strange, tactless, or rude, we reluctantly agree to participate in a game in which we exhaust ourselves.

The use of this expression – energy vampire and our interest in its recognition may indicate that we are tired and that we are having a hard time dealing with the pile of demands that are directed at us, and it is not bad to be a little more aware of this topic and our condition. Its advantage is that it encourages us to think about how we are and how we could be better.

On the other hand, the vampirization of the world around us leads us to a hostile attitude towards our environment, and the environment towards us, because everyone is someone’s personal vampire, so we ourselves are not excluded from that entourage, however cruel it may sound. It seems as if we need this expression to better protect ourselves from what bothers us and makes us tired.

It seems that in order to set boundaries for what we don’t want and what we don’t like, we need someone to be at fault. Since we don’t want us to be the insensitive egoistic culprits, it’s best that it be them – the energy vampires.

However, we don’t need to label someone a vampire and place the blame on them to feel good about deciding to set a boundary in communication or contact.

The limit does not have to be set because someone is guilty or out of fear and protection from another, it can be set legitimately out of love for oneself and one’s needs. It is not necessary to declare a neighbor a vampire, because he cannot close his mouth and breathe air, but it is perfectly fine to decide not to participate in what does not please us and which tires us, and decide not to exhaust ourselves listening to who knows what road, same old boring monologue.

On the other hand, it is important to know that we also take energy, the same energy that we later more or less consciously and more or less thoughtfully give to others in our environment.

That’s why it’s good to know in what way and from which people we get it as a gift, maybe that way it will be easier for us to give it to others. The more we are willing to give, the less someone can take from us, because nothing that has been given willingly can be taken away. Sometimes we actually give voluntarily, but we didn’t calculate well, so maybe there is too little energy and time left for everything we would like. Then it is actually about our bad judgment and bad distribution of our energy and not about the fact that we survived another vampire attack. Maybe we just wanted more than we could handle.

That is why it is important that we learn to develop and nurture awareness of our energy during the day. To learn to stop and ask ourselves about how we feel right now, whether we are ready to enter into new interactions and new stories and which of them we are willing to engage in and which we are not. It is important to be aware of what we will use to boost our energy and what we will use to further exhaust ourselves.

It will happen, of course, despite how aware we are and how skilled we are, that some other people are more socially adept than us and that we fail in our intention to set the limit or maintain it in an adequate way, because our interlocutors are very successful in this. to pass is very easy. If we are aware of our incompetence with such connoisseurs, it remains for us to either develop our skills or to stay away from strong players when we do not have the time or energy for it, or perhaps to try to find a common language with them if they are people who are important and dear to us .

Not all relationships are the same and do not mean the same to us, just as not all people are equally ready for change and honest exchange.

However, there are many relationships that can be healing for all participants if we treat each other positively and exchange authentically in good faith. We are not careless and unempathetic if it is too much for us to constantly listen to the difficult problems of our friend who does not want to change or solve anything. What we can do in this relationship is to honestly communicate that we don’t think it’s meaningful to repeat the same thing for the hundredth time.

That we are sorry for all his problems, but that it is obvious that our exchange on that topic does not lead to a solution, but to the fact that we feel exhausted and listless. We can give some constructive advice or refer to the fact that we have already given it and suggest another topic for conversation, one that will please both us and our interlocutor. At the end of the day, it’s only fair and proper that our friend knows how others feel about his behavior, and what he does about it is his responsibility. Perhaps someone will wonder if this kind of boundary setting is harsh and insensitive.

It seems to me that it is still less rude and much more constructive than declaring a friend a vampire, hiding from him, or being your own vampire and allowing yourself to participate in something that exhausts you unnecessarily.

Although other people were not born to meet our expectations, they might not mind hearing them.

Perhaps in an authentic exchange, we could learn from each other how we exchange energy with each other and how we could give each other more and take away less. It is important to know that energy goes where our attention goes and that if we turn our attention to ourselves in moments when we need energy, ask ourselves what we think, what we feel, what we want for ourselves at this moment, we can get out of automated patterns in our behavior, with which we take away our energy and make the boundaries between us and the world the way we need them at the given moment.

And maybe it’s not a bad idea to recall the famous Gestalt prayer and expand it a little on vampire themes so that it reads:

I’m me, I’m not a vampire.

You are you, you are not a vampire.

I do mine and you do yours.

And before that “nothing” and before we run away, maybe we can try to get to know each other and see ourselves as imperfect human beings in interaction and try to consciously and actively exchange our energies by giving more and taking less from each other.