According to a report by Lean In and McKinsey published this month, out of 480,000 employees surveyed, the majority believe that there has been no progress in the way companies deal with microaggressions at work. Remarks or gestures that seem trivial, but are in reality very discriminatory. Condescending comments that are sometimes clearly racist, sexist, homophobic, with the intention of hurting, but not always. Sometimes they are the result of clumsiness despite good intentions.
“Condescension in the workplace typically comes from three sources: ignorance of the impact of one’s communication on others, frustration manifested in the form of passive aggression, or a desire to show off.”says coach Becca Carnahan. Here are four common phrases that don’t go down well in the office, and how to phrase them better, according to the media HuffPost.
1. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Well done on the attempt at an apology, but you can do better. This sentence sounds more like “a weak attempt at expressing empathy, but it ends conversations”says Tessa West, associate professor of psychology at New York University in the United States.
Suggestion: Why not dig deeper to find out what’s behind your coworker’s feelings? You’ll avoid coming across as heartless, and as a bonus, you’ll probably learn something.
2. “We already tried: it didn’t work”
Not great for encouraging creativity. Keep in mind that how you say “no” can affect your relationships at work. In this case, you can discover great new ideas if you’re open to suggestions.
Suggestion: Give context to your refusal! “We tried something similar a few years ago, but it got stuck at one level or another. How do you see things today?”suggests Becca Carnahan.
3. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of it.”
Translation: “Forget it, I’ll probably do it better.” Be careful, this is the best way to “to destroy a team member’s learning”alerte Becca Carnahan.
Suggestion: “Try to understand where an employee needs support rather than missing out on learning opportunities” explains the coach. And then, by the way, you will avoid being the one who always has to do everything.
4. “You’ll understand when you’ve been around longer.”
Why immediately reject the idea of the new intern on the pretext that he is young? “This formulation dismisses people based on outdated stereotypes, suggesting that they are unwilling to learn or experience new things.” denounces Janine Vanderburg, director of the association Changing the Narrative. “By the way, don’t forget that these crude assumptions also affect older employees.” she emphasizes.
Suggestion: Curiosity, does that speak to you? Ask this person why they think differently. You might be surprised, and above all, avoid fueling intergenerational tensions in the office: it is completely counterproductive.
If you recognize yourself in these examples, don’t panic. The main thing is to be aware of the consequences of your words and to work on your listening. Sometimes, a slight adjustment is enough to go from being a condescending colleague to one who knows how to value others.
Source: www.slate.fr
