How to face adultery and overcome it in a relationship

When someone has adultery desi we learn that this person is not in contact with their intimate needs and desires on a conscious level. She mainly deals with the description of events and behavior, while we are deprived of descriptions of her emotional experiences.

Deceived the party experiences shock, disappointment, sadness, anger and thus begins to come to different insights, i.e., is confronted with one of its misconceptions or unrealistic expectations, which it had in relation to its partner or with a distorted image of the partner relationship.

Both partners may exhibit psychosomatic complaints, insomnia and other symptoms of stress.

Over time, if the couple establishes open communication, they begin to face the dissatisfaction they suppressed, the frustrations they were unable to adequately face and overcome. They often then face the fear of ending the relationship.

That’s how things are when it comes to a relationship that seemed harmonious until the moment of adultery. Partners feel love, affection, respect, have spent a significant period of time together, and then desi adultery.

Life values, similar interests, emotional closeness, the way they please each other, express love and affection, as well as their attitude towards sex, make one bond.

The most common problem in communication arises when partners are guided by the logic that all this is due to closeness implies. However, expectations, needs and desires towards a partner can change over time, and that is why we need to check whether and how we mutually recognize and accept such changes or not.

Checking does not mean controlling and capturing the other party, but precisely open communication in all fields – “I like…”, “I don’t like…”, “I would like…”, “I don’t want anymore…”, “I need… ” and the like.

Is sex with another person always adultery?

Looking at it from that angle, the cheated party will primarily experience emotional betrayal.

In addition, misunderstanding, that is, when one party does not recognize, does not respect the needs and wishes of the other party or is unable to satisfy its needs and wishes.

Then, in addition to frustration, he may also have an experience of emptiness, because that part of the personality called “love partner” is impoverished.

Therefore, everyone recognizes loneliness differently and accordingly interprets their motives for adultery, which we mostly hear as stereotypes – “I needed to see my relationship more clearly…”, “I wanted to feel desirable again…”, “For a long time we are together and I wanted to try with someone else”, “The passion in our relationship has disappeared…”, “I felt comfortable with that person and it just happened…”, “My husband/wife spends too much time at work/ with children…” and others.

What to do after adultery? To forgive?

That. However, forgiveness does not mean that the relationship will continue!

By forgiving, one sincerely respects one’s own and one’s partner’s needs and wishes. They face reality, that is, what is really important to them and how much someone is ready to compromise, without spoiling their own or their partner’s personality.

Forgiveness is important in order to achieve a quality emotional relationship with the same or a new partner in the future.

This does not mean that the cheated person will be deprived of unpleasant emotions of anger, sadness, disappointment, mistrust, insecurity, that is, doubt in himself and others.

There is no precisely determined period of time that is needed for a person to face new insights and emotionally “process” all the mentioned processes, in order to regain lost trust and self-confidence.

A desirable unpleasant emotion for adulterers is guilt and should not be avoided because it leads to taking greater responsibility for one’s own behavior, as well as accepting one’s own needs and desires.

After deciding to continue the relationship, whether they will succeed depends to a large extent on whether they will establish trust.

The decision itself is the easy part of the job. After that intention, the partners will be tested to see if they can implement it and how consistent they are in doing so.

It is entirely to be expected that openness and consistency are something the cheated party will insist on in order to reduce suspicion. On the other hand, the suspicion is justified and will be present until, through the behavior of his partner, he distinguishes truth from lies. Doubt protects against a possible new unpleasant experience.

When partners face the fact that there is no longer enough faith between them for a new beginning, adultery becomes a symptom of healing for each individual.

Because until then, everyone lived with some of their own delusions, because of which they agreed to a dysfunctional relationship with some of the beliefs – “She/he has her/his good sides…”, “He/she is a good mother/father…”, “Over time change…”, “We’ve been together for a long time…”, “Children need both parents…” etc.

There is no such thing as the same or similar person, so we cannot observe the relationship between two people in such a way. It is important to strive for what is desired and possible and respect yourself and your partner accordingly.

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Remark: If you want to arrange consultations with Aleksandra Golubović, individually, via Skype, send her a message to the e-mail address: aleksandragolubovic5@gmail.com