Some phrases heard in childhood can be toxic. Learn how to avoid them and encourage compassionate communication.
Sometimes, when we are emotional or stressed, we say words that we later regret, especially when talking to our children.
These words, often from our own upbringing, can have negative consequences on the parent-child relationship. You may have heard these phrases in your childhood or repeated them unconsciously. The website mikidemoi.fr has highlighted five types of phrases to avoid.
Denial of emotions
Saying things like “Don’t be afraid,” “Stop crying,” or “It’s okay” can invalidate a child’s feelings. In order to learn to manage emotions, a child must first be able to recognize and accept them.
For example, saying “Don’t be afraid” denies what the child is feeling. A better approach would be to validate their emotions: “You’re afraid that dog will hurt you. Helping a child identify the physical sensations associated with fear, such as a racing heart, helps them accept and manage the emotion.
Threat of abandonment
Threats such as “If you don’t put on your shoes, I’ll leave you here” or “If you don’t behave, I won’t kiss you” can create fear of abandonment in children. They are particularly harmful because they condition parental love by behavior. Offer positive alternatives: “When you put on your shoes, we can run to the car.” By changing the “if” to a “when” and offering a small challenge, you encourage your child to obey in a positive way.
Pressure and stress
Phrases like “Hurry”, “Quick, quick” or “Speed up” create unnecessary stress for children because they do not have the same concept of time as adults. Instead, use concrete alternatives: “We have 2 minutes left before school, do you want to put on your coat or your shoes first?”
Humiliating labels
Saying: “You are selfish” or “You are clumsy” traps the child in a negative label. These statements are discouraging and damage his self-esteem. Instead, describe the behavior: “What you did was selfish, but I know you can be generous.” This helps the child understand that his actions do not define who he is and that he can change.
Harmful comparisons
Comparisons like “Look at your sister how she tidied up her room” or “Mary’s son got a good grade in math” give the child the impression that his value depends on the judgment of others. Prefer child-centered observations: “I see your room is messy. Please put the books on the shelf and the toys in the bins.
By replacing toxic phrases with caring alternatives, we nurture an environment where the child feels understood, loved and safe.
Remember, no parent is perfect. So, be kind to yourself and your neighbors. Do not blame your parents, but consciously change the model of upbringing in which you were raised.
Source: www.sitoireseto.com
