An expert answers to us!
Life as a couple is not always easy; moreover, we sometimes go through lows, especially in terms of desire. Men or women may notice and feel a kind of “laziness” around sexuality and all that it entails.
A situation that can be disturbing for the person experiencing it, but also for the partner. How to react to this drop in desire? Is that bad? Diane Desvarte, sexologist and therapist, sheds light on this topic.
“I’m too lazy to make love”
According to the expert, this is one of the phrases she hears the most during consultations, in the context of falling desire or in couples therapy: “I often hear the word laziness, the word obligation, square, obligation, etc.,” says Diane Desvarte.
She also talked about the reasons for this drop in desire: “Real laziness can happen to anyone, and sometimes there is no particular reason for it. We have the right to be lazy to make love, whether we are a man or a woman.”
The expert points out that in other cases, laziness can occur for logistical reasons: “for some people, sex causes mental strain (cleaning the sheets, showering after sex, etc.), but it is necessary to deconstruct the codes. It can also be a bit “quick”, so a quick version of sex, for fun that doesn’t involve logistics.
Then the question of obstacles to sexual desire arises: “stress, sense of obligation, psychological burden, lack of hygiene, lack of interest, fatigue… There are a whole bunch of obstacles to sexual desire. It is important to identify them in order to better understand why and compensate for this decline.”
She adds, “There’s also context that has to be taken into account, such as postpartum, bereavement, low morale, conflicted relationships, body shame, etc.” In these cases, the term “laziness” is often used as a “shortcut.” , because it is more direct and simpler to mention, rather than “engage in sexological work, in order to understand the causes of this demotivation”, points out Diane Deswart.
How to break beliefs about sexuality and the frequency of intercourse?
In order to put an end to these beliefs, it is important to raise awareness about this topic, to talk about it with those around you, without filters and taboos, by freeing yourself from the dictates of behavior and marital duty: “Everything should be reconsidered, but first “If you want to change the world, it’s good to start by changing yourself,” says the professional.
To conclude, it is necessary to understand the various causes and reasons for this “laziness”. It is recommended that you discuss this with your partner and do individual and/or partner work to find a balance. It is also recommended that you seek help from a therapist who specializes in couples and sexuality, who will be able to support you on this journey.
Diane Deswart assures us that a drop in desire does not (always) mean a lack of love: “This does not happen most often in consultations, I follow people who are very much in love, who want to “desire and move forward with their partner, and this does not mean that there is a lack of love.” .
Source: www.sitoireseto.com
