“Trust me, doctor, not what my child is, but objectively I can say that he is…!?” I do not deny the existence of a large number of (recognized) potentials in a child, but I deny that a parent (thank God) can be a distant, rational and objective observer of those potentials. One cannot be objective about something so personal, loved and subjective. And you shouldn’t! When love gets involved, objectivity (fortunately) loses. And the fact that a person (parent) sometimes needs to highlight and emphasize something in particular reveals a lot about him.
How do you gain self-confidence next to a parent who deprives you of any opportunity to convince yourself of your own adequacy in coping with challenging situations?
Supporting children, expressing responsibility, care and attention, these are all good parental duties, but up to a limit.
Is the modern parent overprotective of his children?
Overprotection is the parental desire to protect the child, on the path of growing up, from any kind of discomfort and to save him from the slightest physical, emotional and mental pain.. Injuries, falls, trips, scratches and bruises are all part of a normal childhood. If our child is not in any immediate danger, it is very important that we learn that there are moments in which we simply should not “run to help”, but wait and swallow the “parental dumpling” of patience.
An inseparable part of this kind of “child hyperfocused parenting” is the imposition of what is projected and expected from the child, which excludes the child’s right to experiment and try new things. It is a “pure waste of time” for what the child is “obviously” gifted for (and intended for).
By overprotecting the child, we deny him the opportunity to create a realistic picture of the world around him. The coming life will not always be a pleasant place where his needs will be taken care of.
We parents often make the mistake of finding various justifications for children’s failures, because through them we see the failure of our own parenting:
We parents often make the mistake of finding various justifications for our children’s failures, because through them we see the failure of our own parenting
If the child meets the first days of adolescence and the transition to adulthood without enough experience of emotional frustration (constrained needs) and the necessity of respecting (necessary) boundaries, the supreme command of our behavior (prefrontal regions of the cerebral cortex), in situations of increased demand, will easily capitulate and the command will hand over behavior to less trained and unpredictable officers of lower ranks (amygdalae, emotion centers).
With too much concern and control over children’s lives, we deny them the opportunity to face the real, bigger or smaller, fears they carry inside. How will they later know that they tolerate them and will they know how to deal with them in the right way? Maybe they will avoid all those situations that seem uncertain and risky to them, even if they bring love or closeness.
It is a big challenge to give (not unlimited) trust to a child to decide for himself in moments when there is a strong parental need for control and the desire to make his path smooth (and not be thorny like mine) or to prevent a mistake (and then not be too late). . When it comes to writing in mathematics, I still dare to ask for it in a conversation with worried parents, but when the entrance exam approaches, I prefer to remain silent.
Most often, the absence of faith in the child and the excess of good intentions are justified by the importance of that particular turning point and critical moment of growing up. Parental anxiety is always intertwined with parental responsibility, however, it is a mistake if we allow the hovering parental tension to overwhelm us and thus deprive our child of gaining valuable personal experiences and facing the consequences of his decisions. Anxiety-based parental caution will make the parent powerless to resist the need to “jump in” and prevent “something from happening.”
How do you gain self-confidence next to a parent who deprives you of any opportunity to convince yourself of your own adequacy in coping with challenging situations? ““Tucking” the child is (un)consciously solely in the function of reducing parental restlessness, not the development of the child’s skills. If as a child we do not acquire the capacity to take healthy risks, it can result in withdrawal and lack of confidence in our own abilities later in life, in adulthood.
The young beings who are most important to us grow with us, mature, absorb, identify and imitate us. Ours are mirrors. When we don’t believe in our parenting, we doubt our children. The strength of life is brought by the gradual and controlled confrontation of youth with “painful reality” and quite possible accompanying injuries (ego).
Parental anxiety is always intertwined with parental responsibility, however, it is a mistake if we allow the hovering parental tension to overwhelm us and thus deprive our child of gaining valuable personal experiences and facing the consequences of his decisions.
A type of overprotection is constantly finding justifications and preventing the child from facing failure, perhaps because of some of his bad habits or excessive (parental) expectations. We parents often make the mistake of finding various justifications for our children’s failures, because through them we see the failure of our own parenting.
Sometimes we go further, and after some recognized (temporary and children’s) failure, we give children too much attention and a central place in family relationships, teaching them that they have the right to be frustrated and to pass that frustration on to others. It is a pattern that they later retain and often (to their detriment) use.
“A child is the father of a man” and you should not believe that every pattern of behavior created in childhood will be overcome by the child growing up. On the contrary, in adulthood, when numerous difficulties cannot be overcome, persons who were overprotected in childhood will take an ambivalent attitude towards their parents, projecting on them anger towards the eternally “unfavorable” environment.
In the interpretation of early successes or failures, the role of not only parents but also teachers or coaches is important, and here it is necessary to balance together between excessive criticism and “putting the blame” solely on bad luck and other (independent of the children) external causes. Only children taught about responsibility receive their first lessons in courage. The root of life’s learned helplessness and conciliation reaches back to childhood.
When a child tries to ride a bicycle without hands and goes to the mother to praise her, the mother’s duty is to stop and wait, to curb the parental fear.
The exam before the little hero is important. If he really succeeds, he will be crowned the winner in front of the most important being of his childhood, and if he fails, he will learn an important life lesson. He will only lose if his mother runs and prevents him from trying. In addition to depriving him of something precious.
Source: hotsport.rs
