I’m thinking these days about the clients I’ve worked with. About what they shared, they had in common and connected them. I understand that this is often the preferred type of man to whom they were magnetically attracted.
Many of my clients were very fond of men who were very fond of women. There is sense in that, but – there are also dangers. I was encouraged to write about them, those men and women, by going back to the good old Billy King album called Womanholic.
As my experience shows, in working with clients, but also in ordinary, everyday conversations, there is an imbalance of power in most partner relationships.
While one partner is “stronger”, the other is “weaker”, and this works and does not present any problem, unless it happens that the imbalance of power turns into abuse of it, and that happens. Unfortunately.
Also read: The emotional experience of a love triangle
Inequality in the distribution of power can concern different topics, issues and items – you can be differently strong in terms of origin, social status, education, earnings, life ambitions, self-confidence, standing up for yourself, etc.
I have not met a relationship of equally strong and equal partners yet, and if you ask me, I consider the equality of partners to be one of the prerequisites of a healthy partnership.
For myself and jokingly, for exceptional lovers and self-assessed connoisseurs of women, I was able to say that they are womanizers.
However, over time I realized that they cannot be credited with true knowledge of women. That many misogynists only think that they know women deeply and well, not realizing that what stands in their way is precisely and above all – misogyny.
Also read this: What kind of woman does today’s Venus embody
When it comes to female clients, I often worked with those who were seriously hurt and “damaged” by the experience of loving a womanizer.
At the beginning, the emotional connection with this man seems incredibly beautiful, because – a womanizer loves and knows how to conquer and flatter. In the beginning.
Also read this: Those who do not let themselves be loved or a portrait of self-confidence (in youth)
And not only that, he also knows how to recognize women who “fall” for a nice story and promises for the future, and leads them to believe that they are on a pedestal and the power is on their side.
The gentleman in question, therefore, unfailingly chooses and enthusiastically directs himself – until the next choice and enthusiastic direction.
This is where the problem arises – what is the beauty of a new beginning for the womanizer, for his former partner is an (unbearably) painful end.
Faced with such an end, she often begins to doubt and question everything that existed and was in a given relationship because, naturally and quite understandably, she gets the impression that she was just one in a row, a line or a number.
Also read this: How do you know it’s not yet time to give up on your relationship?
With that kind of experience, the first or who knows in which order, come to counseling and – let’s go. Story by story, layer by layer.
Women who dominate unhindered in a partner relationship almost never turn to me for support and help. For them and their partners, such a set of things seems to suit them perfectly.
Also read this: If you’re looking for love, you should use Tinder (for at least these three reasons)
On the other hand, the experience of working with men tells me that the dominant and position of sovereign superiority sooner or later makes them dissatisfied.
They are not pleased and worried by the fact that they have never had an argument with their partner, that she always adapts and obeys, withdraws, agrees, and leaves the making of important (life) decisions and taking responsibility.
Isn’t that interesting? That many men shy away from strong women (feminists), while at the same time they are frustrated by being with those who are not.
And isn’t it interesting that many men, more often than women, are dissatisfied with the experience of being dominated in a partner relationship, even though the patriarchal and traditional, on which they still rely heavily, teaches them exactly that?
Also read this: The irresistible attraction of manipulators
You know what else I find interesting? The fact that I have heard many women, “weak” for womanizers, say that they choose from “bad” guys and like to make good ones.
Does that mean that these women don’t really like the men they choose, just the way they are?
Also read this: Good karma for partner relationships does not mean success in relationships
Or does it mean that they like “rescuing”, “putting them on the right path”, “re-educating”? If you like to turn a “bad” guy into a good one, you can simply choose the one who is already like that and enjoy it from the very beginning.
Unless you just enjoy, so to speak, working on a project.
Although partner relationships are changing and today they are not what they used to be, many things are still observed and understood as they used to be. That’s right, is that man who is a conqueror, a seducer and “can change” attractive and desirable? In a word – a womanizer.
However, a woman with the same or similar behavior, one who loves men (and sex) very much – is characterized as (inappropriately) promiscuous, to put it mildly.
Also read this: Small, sweet things that women do unconsciously, and that men tear up at
Many women are very attracted to men who immediately notice them as sexually attractive.
These same women, later on, do not like being exclusively noticed sexually by these same men.
Also read this: Recognizing love patterns
Apart from that, a man who likes to “hunt” very quickly starts to be hunted by a woman who is interested in him, but – she does not like it and is unsuccessful.
Not because he doesn’t like it, but because a predator can never become (easy) prey.
On the one hand, it is always easiest to have someone, such and such. I say such and such, because – the more of these others there are and the more often they are found – the less likely they are suitable and real.
On the other hand, it is also difficult from the perspective of not being able to stand loneliness and fear of deep closeness and connection with another.
Also read this: Physical appearance as a burden of the past and love – are you trying to be liked?
Being alone for a long time and being with one and the same person for a long time is truly demanding. In monogamy, to emphasize. Because, today, many brag a lot about the duration with the one they are cheating on a lot.
No one is to blame for being the way they are, and no one should be blamed for not being to our taste or measure. And everything, first of all, but also among other things, is a question of (not) assuming responsibility and setting boundaries.
Also read this: What is the beauty of parting? Can divorce ever be considered a success?
We are responsible for who we are or are not today, but our parents are also responsible for a large part.
They were the first to start shaping us and put everything relevant about us, until we consciously face it, in a certain place. We were shaped by the praises, criticisms, permissions, bans and, rather than all that, by our own example, by being a model.
No model, not even a parent’s, is a priori good and healthy.
That’s how some of us, imitating our parents, learned open and healthy communication, facing problems and solving them, self-confidence, self-respect and self-love, loyalty to a partner, belief in marriage and family, good parenting…
Also read this: Romantic relationship at the workplace – yes or no? And sex?
While some of us, unfortunately, were not so lucky and had to do everything by ourselves or with professional support and help. From the beginning and from scratch, i.e. dysfunctionally set up. In this sense, everyone, even a womanizer, should be understood.
Is it worth choosing him – is a question with a known answer in advance. It’s good that you don’t forget and know that you should never make excuses. No one, not even a womanizer. And that he can only be helped by someone whose job it is to help, if even that womanizer chooses to allow it.
Also read this: By forgiving we free ourselves – are you ready to forgive?
He often allows it because, even more often, he is overtaken by his own womanoholism.
If you realize that you are living patterns and that you are persistently attracted to those who take you and leave you – seek help yourself. It is always best to start from yourself first.
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