Although in therapy we advocate that the relationship between the partners be good, nurturing and supportive, in order for the sex life to be functional, we often meet clients who have a “good” relationship, but sex does not work.
What is the relationship between sex and conflict? At first it seems that they are not connected, except when people say – after a fight, sex is sweeter.
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But we can see both sex and conflict as two energy phenomena, which have the opposite direction – in sex, agreement is needed, in conflict, disagreement.
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However, sex sometimes needs disagreement, just as conflict sometimes needs agreement. So, in principle, sex is a positive energy phenomenon, and conflict is negative. We can see them as two sides of the same coin.
People who do not allow themselves a possible “conflict” (they are afraid of other people’s reaction, do not want to burden the other party with things that bother them, tend to keep a lot to themselves, do not want to share the intimate world, etc.), unconsciously avoid expressing themselves , and as sex and life imply expressiveness, then over time they become “asexual” / “lifeless”.
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Sex implies release, but if you are in the clutches of your mind that something is not good or right to say, do, try – because a conflict will follow, then you eliminate your needs, desires or worries, instead of being expressed in the partner space, and at the cost of conflict.
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The conflict is by no means a prelude to breakup or divorce, but it opens up the possibility of getting to know each other better.
The tendency to keep things under control and pretend on the surface that everything is fine will not help sex to develop and flourish.
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Only an honest and authentic approach can help, because if you can fool other people or yourself, you can’t fool sex. Sex always betrays you, as the best indicator of your sincerity, presence and wholeness. And it is good that it is so. There is no need to hide or avoid conflict. Accept the momentary disagreement and move in the direction of agreement.
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Sex and orgasm need both dimensions, life, too. Accept conflict as part of the game, the process, and be total, in and out of sex.
Source: www.sitoireseto.com
