Signs that indicate that your MARRIAGE IS TURNING INTO A NICE DIVORCE

Can you predict divorce? Not entirely, but these four things could mean a split is imminent—and it’s going to be nasty.

Is your marriage headed for divorce? TRACEY COX reveals to Britain’s DAILYMAIL four signs that your flame is dying – and how to fix it before it’s too late.

A relationship expert points to four red flags that mean a breakup could be imminent.

All marriages have ups and downs and survive them.

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But certain behaviors have been known to escalate into a particularly acrimonious divorce.

Here are four red flags that mean a split could be imminent.

And it won’t be pretty.

YOU TREAT EACH OTHER WITH CONTEMPT

“Whatever’s wrong is my fault—even if it can’t possibly have anything to do with me, like the weather.

“He doesn’t respect me, and it shows when we’re together: he considers himself superior in every way.

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“My kids hate the way he treats me and that’s what will probably make me leave.”

Have you ever witnessed something like this?

If you’re uncomfortable being around each other, imagine what it’s like to live every day.

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Healthy relationships are teamwork: you have each other’s backs, respect each other’s opinions (even if they differ from yours), truly listen and support each other.

Contempt-driven relationships do the exact opposite: you both want to score points, you kick your ass the moment a weakness is exposed, you feel gleeful when your partner looks stupid.

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If contempt and belittling are a regular part of your interactions, you’re on your way to full-blown conflict that makes the divorce process more bitter and adversarial.

Is this you?

Do friends or family comment on how much you argue or disagree?

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Do any of you make fun of each other? Roll your eyes behind (or in front of) them if they say or do something you don’t like?

Do any of you turn down every opportunity you get? Are you treated with sarcasm when you dare to express an opinion?

If you were to look in the mirror during a normal conversation, what would your faces look like? Is contempt or open hostility obvious to everyone?

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The solution

If you are critical, replace negative comments with constructive criticism.

“I feel overwhelmed with everything I need to do,” instead of “You’re so lazy.” Why do I have to do everything here?’.

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Use ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements. “I feel hurt when we don’t spend enough time together,” not “You never put me first.”

Are you on the receiving end? Let your partner know that he is hurting you and your relationship with his behavior.

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If that doesn’t reach his ears, marriage therapy is the only solution. If it doesn’t go with you, you’ll still benefit from going it alone.

YOU CAN’T OR WON’T TALK ABOUT THE THINGS THAT MATTER

“I always thought we had a great marriage, until I had a fight with my wife’s sister. She adores her and refuses to even listen to my side. We are in a cold, uncomfortable stalemate and I don’t see a way out.’

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While constant fighting is an obvious sign that things aren’t great, poor communication is insidious.

Couples often don’t realize this is a problem until it happens – and they have no idea how to fix it.

Anyone who has ever read or heard anything about how to have a healthy relationship knows that being able to talk things out is a cornerstone of long-term happiness.

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Most people think, ‘Yeah, I know that’ and that’s it.

But the reason people like me keep talking about it is because not being able to talk about difficult topics will be the death of you. And not just your death, but put you on the path to a nasty divorce.

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Is this you?

Can you talk about important topics without it ending in a big row, with one of you storming off or sulking for hours or days?

Do any of you refuse to talk about a problem if you disagree about it?

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At the end of discussing an important topic, do you feel like you’ve accomplished something? Or are you both making the same points without ever meeting in the middle?

Do you avoid difficult conversations altogether and hope that big problems will go away if you ignore them?

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The solution

You are not born with good communication skills, you learn them.

There is a lot of information online about how to communicate better with your partner. If you need extra help, a good couples therapist can transform your relationship.

YOU HAVE FINANCIAL SECRETS

“My husband spent like a billionaire on credit cards that were maxed out. Not only did he use up all our savings, but he cost us our house.

“Our children had to move from school and lost friends: it was a selfish thing and it broke us.

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“Everyone talks about physical betrayal, but financial betrayal is just as bad.”

Money is one of the leading causes of tension in long-term relationships. The problem is not how much or how little you have, but how each of you spends it.

Our consumption styles are formed when we are quite young, often as a reaction to what our parents did or didn’t do.

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When couples disagree on how to manage money, it can reflect deeper issues related to values ​​and priorities.

The most common problem is when there is a big spender versus a saver. If the more frugal person makes most of the money, anger and resentment grow quickly.

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If a consumer has debt problems and ignores them, triple the danger factor for the relationship.

But if you really want to destabilize everything, lie about debts to your spouse.

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Not acknowledging unpaid credit card bills with huge balances, loans taken out to pay off other loan payments, the fact that you’ve secretly drained the kids’ college fund, booked an expensive vacation when you’re struggling to pay the heating bill… things that tear down the strongest marriage in the worst, most unforgivable way.

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Is this you?

Do you have dramatically different spending styles and does this cause tension?

Have you both been transparent about the amount of debt you have, including loans and credit card balances?

Are any of you hiding secret spending – or secret bank accounts? Do you lie about the price of things you buy or hide purchases from your partner?

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Does one person control the joint bank account?

Do either of you take out loans or credit cards without consulting the other?

The solution

If one or both partners are financially manipulative, it can lead to aggressive legal battles over property, spousal support, and debt distribution during divorce proceedings.

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Don’t kid yourself if arguments about money are common. Right to a financial advisor who can advise you on how to manage debt – and a couples therapist to help you understand each other’s relationship with money.

SOME OF YOU CHEATED (OR STILL CHEAT)

“I discovered a historical affair: my wife had a six-month affair with her ex after we got married, but before we had children.

“Our children are now married themselves, but I couldn’t look at her after I found out. I hated her because she made me live a lie for the last 25 years.’

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Finding out about an affair or a “nothing meant” one night stand is often a major breach of trust that can render an already strained marriage beyond repair.

Cheating destroys the ‘you and me against the world’ bond that keeps relationships going through tough times.

The emotional fallout from deep betrayal can lead to an extremely ugly divorce. Anger, pain and the drive for revenge turn the most reasonable person into a tyrant, making mediation and compromise impossible.

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Physical infidelity exacerbates disagreements over child custody, finances, and settlements, making divorce longer and more contentious.

Is this you?

There is a clear answer to this with yes or no.

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The solution

Even good people cheat, says leading infidelity expert Ester Perel.

This does not mean that the relationship is doomed if one of you cheated, but it immediately puts the marriage in crisis mode.

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Some couples do rebuild, but it’s not an easy road for either of you. The most difficult thing is to restore broken trust.