Until we experience it, it is very difficult to deeply feel what someone who is dealing with a huge loss can go through.
When we experience the unfortunate and devastating fact of grief, we can notice many strange things. It may seem contradictory, but sometimes it can help with grief if we can take care of someone, because it makes us feel important.
Caring for others – can this really be the key to healing?
As we begin to look deeper into this possibility, we realize that it can help, and quite a lot. After all, there is already a goal, a task, but we can also call it an obligation, to which we devote energy every single day. It is natural, however, that in the wavering pain of grief, we are not equally able to give our best. Some days we are able to turn to the person or pet entrusted to us with almost maximum care, other days a little less. This is completely normal.
Why can this have healing power? Let’s imagine that we have taken in an innocent ball of fur, who is constantly on the lookout for when we will finally pay attention exclusively to him. He looks forward to playing together and feeding time as if we were the only ones for him. And so it is. We truly mean the world to our dear furry friend. Unconditional love is added to this, of course, and all this already has a healing effect. He starts looking for us if he doesn’t see us for a long time, even though we only went out to the kitchen. What is this if not selfless, deep love?
Similar processes can start in us even when we take care of a fellow human being, be it a family member, an acquaintance or a friend.
Why is it that a mother who has lost her child is happy to cook lunch for the boy who lives next door, who for some reason reminds her of her son?
Why are we more willing to help an old uncle who jokes just like our father used to? While we don’t even notice these realizations, and the fact that all of this can partially have a healing power, we may start to come to our senses a little.
Of course, this kind of care cannot replace bereavement therapy in any way, but it can play a role in getting us out of the gloom and seeing the world in a more colorful way.
This leaves a gap that needs to be addressed. Countless therapeutic methods and techniques may become necessary in order to really get better, for real.
Let’s shift the focus from loss to love!
Coping techniques help us get through a difficult period. This does not mean that we can no longer get into a crisis, but we can stand our ground in dire times armed with significantly more knowledge and effective methods. We are all different, so it is easy that different techniques will work, but we can try something regardless.
Let’s shift the focus from loss to love!
Who can we give love to? For our puppy, our mom, our friend? Seeing the power of helping and caring can completely transform our perspective.
In grief, we can often feel dull, defocused, and empty, but we can be recharged by small things like when we bring a surprise to a loved one or pet our pet.
Let’s not forget ourselves either!
No matter how much love is given by taking care of others, we must not forget that it also requires us to take care of ourselves. For some, the balance can easily tip, and those with whom this happens may notice over time that they devote all their strength to helping others, because it feels good to care for someone.
Consciously paying attention to maintaining the balance, we don’t have to experience the dark sides of everything, only the positive effects.
The dangers of the other side
When we find a treasure during the difficult journey of the grieving process, if we are not careful, we can tend to see this huge “value” as a kind of lifeline sent to us by heaven. We cling to it with all our strength and nerve, we protect it like a mother protects her newborn child. However, we must not let all this turn into a convulsive addiction. It can become very dangerous if we are afraid of losing our new refuge, our source of love who has replaced the pain.
It is good to be aware of this, but it does not mean that we should keep our hearts closed. Let’s express it calmly, let’s give thanks that we can love someone again, take care of them, and this energy will never remain one-way, it will constantly return to us. Although we will always feel the place of loss, we can learn to live and be happy again.
Dr. Melania Dóra Scheszták
pharmacist
Source: www.patikamagazin.hu
