The orgasmic gap is the inequality in the reach of orgasms during sex, in which men reach climax in greater proportion than women. Although people tend to distrust the concept of orgasmic gap, it should be noted that it is a fact widely studied by science. Basically, many studies have been carried out in which it has been observed that Women are less likely to achieve orgasms during sexual encounters heterosexuals than their peers.
Specifically, women achieve it in sex. 65 percent of the time, compared to men who climax in about 90 percent of encounters.
“Surely reading this someone might think that the cause of this is in biology. We have been sold that women’s bodies are ‘more complex’ and that pleasing a woman is more difficult than a man. However, this is a myth that delegitimizes pleasure and alienates us from sexual satisfaction,” she explains. Cecilia Bizzottosociologist and spokesperson for JOYclub Spain.
Why there is an orgasmic gap in sex
The psychologist explains the five reasons why this orgasmic gap between men and women continues to exist when it comes to having sex:
–Poor and poor sexual education: The main reason for the sexual problems that we all have, regardless of our gender, is the lack of quality sexual education, and this is reflected in the so-called orgasmic gap. Most of us have learned about sexuality through what our colleagues tell us and through porn.
All this and the vestiges of a sexuality plagued by taboos and punishments, has made Our current erotic framework is riddled with absurd myths and stereotypes that limit us and do not allow us to express ourselves erotically.
“Young people, and not so young, know a lot of concepts, but they don’t know how a vulva works, what the clitoris is, how the menstrual cycle works, how many erogenous zones can give us pleasure, how to agree on a sexual activity…”, Bizzotto emphasizes.
–Coitocentrism: “Men and women have been educated that the center of pleasure is in intercourse and that there is no “full” sexual activity that does not involve penetration. That is what we call “sex” and everything beyond that is “foreplay.” Coitocentrism, that very limited perception of sexuality and eroticism It is especially negative for womensince very few are capable of achieving orgasms through penetration (it is estimated that only 20-30 percent of women),” he adds.
–Sex as a male need: “Culturally, sex has been articulated as a “need” that men have, something they require by a presumed nature differential and that for us is dispensable,” she says.
“They supposedly have an uncontrollable desire that, if not satisfied through a sexual encounter that ends with an orgasm, generates negative effects on their mental or physical health. But we can live without sex and, of course, without orgasms. Our erotic satisfaction has never been a priority,” says the psychologist.
–Lack of knowledge about the female body (also in sex): “Women’s bodies have barely been investigated by science (the anatomy of the clitoris was not discovered until almost 2000), we ourselves We have been educated not to look at our vulva and these are perceived as an “unpleasant” part of the body,” he says.
–Delegitimization of female autoeroticism: “This lack of self-knowledge is compounded The false idea that women should not masturbate (something very normal in men of any age). Therefore, if as a woman you don’t know your body and you don’t know what you like, you believe that pleasure has to be given to you by a man who probably knows less about your sexuality than you do yourself,” she clarifies.
What can we do to combat it?
“The responsibility of men is to be curious about our bodies, to be willing to seek our pleasure and to listen to our cues with humility. Communication is essential in any relationship. And even more so when we talk about sexual relations. Men with whom we have an intimate relationship do not have to know what “women like” because each body is different and it is our responsibility to communicate what satisfies us,” explains Bizzotto.
In an attempt to bridge the orgasmic gap that separates men and women when it comes to having sex, “What we should promote is female sexual empowermentknowing our own bodies and not expecting others to know which keys to press to make the music play. We must learn to assertively communicate what we want and stop being passive objects, designed for the enjoyment of others,” she emphasizes.
“If you are a woman and you do not have orgasms as easily as your partner, if you do not feel satisfied and it is difficult for you to reach climax, first of all, remember that Orgasm should never be the central part of sexual activity nor the only goal of sex,” he adds.
However, “it is normal to feel frustrated and dissatisfied if you feel that your partner does not pay attention to your body, does not pay attention to you or cares little about whether you feel as much pleasure as he does. If you feel that sexual activity revolves around his pleasure and not yours, how can you not feel upset! So do not take credit for your dissatisfaction and look for tools to solve the problem.”
The first thing you need to be clear about is What do you need to enjoy. “Tell your partner what you like in detail, share your fantasies… In addition, you should also be communicative during the sexual encounter.” Lastly, and very importantly, “remember that if there are problems within sexual relations that are not resolved with these tips or there is a certain discomfort with your partner that goes beyond a specific moment, couples therapy or sex therapy is always an option to have tools that make you enjoy more alone or as a couple,” concludes Bizzotto.
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