I think over and over the stories I hear from clients I’ve worked with and am working with. With each new one, I realize that it closely resembles at least one I’ve heard before.
Yes, we just think it’s only happening to us. So many women have gone through the same or similar situation as yours. And it will pass. And everyone will think that something like that can only happen to her.
Reflecting on all the stories you’ve heard so far, I wanted to write this column and thus help you to think, recognize, call it by its right name, see, understand and, possibly, start (with something new) or stop (with the old), change, make up your mind, choose and make a (difficult) decision.
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Many women they are silent and suffer. Small things but also seriously serious things. And many little things are, in sum and in the end, a big and serious thing. (How “small” is the fact that he never remembers, always forgets, doesn’t pay attention, doesn’t notice, persistently continues as before, refuses to accept…?) They keep silent because they don’t feel safe to say anything.
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Neither in yourself, nor in your partner. Because they have not learned and until now had the habit of communicating their desires, needs, expectations and dissatisfactions. They remain silent because they are afraid that he will get angry and jump to his defense, that they will fight or break up. They remain silent and suffer because, when they “think a little better”, they realize that there is and can be worse. That maybe they didn’t try everything they could, or give it their all. They are silent and suffer because…
They wait and hope. That he would understand. I remember myself. Apologize (and really mean it). To repent. Change. Change your mind. To wish. Cross (with oneself or another woman). Make up your mind. Choose. They are silent, suffer, wait and hope because they believe that love hurts, is not simple, requires a sacrifice and cannot always be reciprocated immediately. They wait and hope because they believe they need to be…
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Patient and tolerantboundless and unconditional. To be gentle and understanding. Always smiling and in a good mood. Bright and fun. Ready to run to help and rescue. Many women believe that patience and tolerance are highly valued, rewarded and appreciated. That they are the opposite of asking and having a request.
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That they are wisdom in reaching the goal – marriage, family and children. Extremely patient and women who tolerate what they shouldn’t (because it’s neither healthy nor mature), others among us, women who have and free their voice and attitude, are perceived as those who “don’t know how to deal with men”.
While they are silent and suffer, wait and hope, are patient and tolerant, many women, in fact, aware of the warning signs, choose to let them they ignore and deny. Therefore, the fact that they still do not live together, or do not know his parents and/or friends (and they have been together for years) gives them a red light.
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The fact that they don’t know what exactly he does, or how much he earns. Are they in a relationship or a relationship of the second or third kind? They do not know where and what they are going to, nor where they will arrive. Nor whether, what and when the desired will happen at all. Therefore, the fact that they doubt and do not believe, check, persistently ask themselves (only themselves), cannot understand or believe, feel that they must or cannot, wait for permission, cannot claim or guarantee, but – they ignore.
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They continue on, reminding themselves of the goal towards which they are going. Desperate for love, even when there is no LJ from her. Or only the last letter survived. And without a full stop.
Those who suffer and suffer in the relationship with their partner, tell themselves and others stories thanks to which they can bear their dissatisfaction more easily. Women who ignore and deny existing problems they deceive themselvesfirst of all, but also a partner.
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By not talking about what frustrates, disappoints, saddens or angers them, they tell their partner that everything is fine and as it should be. However, he who is not aware that he is wrong has nothing to correct. While, on the other hand, the one who does not take responsibility for how he lives and feels, unjustifiably expects someone else to take responsibility for him.
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Ignoring and denying, as a rule and in the simplest terms, leads to a vicious circle of repetition of one and the same, and dysfunctional.
On the one hand, women often tend to ignore and deny the fact that there is a problem they enter the role of victim and they live a feeling of helplessness in a partner relationship. On the other hand, many women tend to do the same manipulate partner.
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Interesting or not, but until now, only women who were suffering and made mistakes because they did not know, could not do better, turned to me for support and help. I heard about women who used manipulation to get what they wanted from their partners, with whom I worked.
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And that’s logical. It is not easy to admit to yourself, let alone to another, that you are doing something bad consciously and with a specific (ultimate) intention.
Often, women try with all their might they try to change partners with whom they are. For their sake, and then for your own.
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They are sure and sincerely believe that they themselves, without their help, support, suggestions, recommendations and guidance, cannot recognize, and then do not persevere in what is best for both of them. That is, her. For some women, for example, a man’s readiness for a drastic change is proof of love.
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Because, why would he listen to her and agree with her in the end if not for reasons of strong love?!
Not infrequently, also, thinking the same or similar, women who love a lot to a great extent they give up on themselves. They move away from what they were before the relationship with the specific partner. They become the person their partners want and would like them to become.
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They merge with the man and become one with him. In general, they divide life into the one before and after Him (and their children). Unfortunately, I meet and know more and more women who, so to speak, did not exist, live or find meaning until the moment they met the “man of their life”.
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And luckily, I don’t know any men with such a story. In addition to being interesting, it could and would be good if it was also educational.
There are not a small number of women who are very afraid and, for this reason, in love they play it safe. That is, immediately after getting to know a man, they jump to a conclusion about him and the future of the relationship with him and, depending on the conclusion – either they try hard to establish and maintain a relationship with a specific man, or they write him off.
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Which and what kind of men do they perceive as reliable and smartly chosen? Calm, quiet, nice, (very) good, not overly social “home types”, more successful in business than in love. (Very) beautiful and attractive, charming and witty, a man with a large number of friends, self-confident and self-confident, often, prematurely and completely unfounded, experiences trouble and problems in the announcement.
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A younger man – not to mention. However, how and to what extent we can hold ourselves back – no one can hold us back.
How do women still make mistakes? So that they become like men. Yes, you read that right. There are more and more women who approach men, tell them how much they like them, are open and often aggressive in communicating their interest, do not give up and do not know “no” and are proud when they succeed in winning.
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And there are no feminists among them, nor women interested in the topic of gender equality. Because the exchange of theses and roles is not a feminist issue, nor is it a question of equality, as much as it is a question of the relationship with oneself and oneself, and one’s own self-respect.
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Which, of course, leads to respect from others. It’s that simple. Although the relationship of self-respect is not always simple or easy to establish.
In the end, how do women make mistakes over mistakes? By persistently continuing to err. And after they realize they’re doing it. And that there is no purpose or need. And it doesn’t go, then it goes.
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And it is irreparable. Wrong, bad or even toxic. Then it is no longer important, nor is the question how it all started. The question is how it looks and functions now and what it will become over time, if nothing changes.
Source: www.sitoireseto.com
