I am thinking about the results of the research of Professor Nicholas Wolfinger, from the University of Utah, which show that the ideal age for getting married is in the late twenties and early thirties, and that those between 28 and 32 years of age are at the lowest risk of divorce.
According to the research results of the same professor, the chances of divorce increase in the middle of the fourth decade. The explanation lies in the partner’s unwillingness to compromise, difficulties in accepting the “we” phase, and less flexibility. Thinking about this, I wondered if there is a right time to meet the right person and when is the best time to meet a lifelong partner.
How well do you remember your first love? As you think about that person and relationship now, how do you feel? Do you have good or not so good memories of that period of your life?
What attracted you to the person who was your first love? What did you want and expect in love back then? Are you aware of the changes your love desires and expectations have gone through? Are you aware of the lessons you have learned and the fact that you have stopped making some mistakes?
Are you thankful for the path you’ve taken and the place you’ve reached in life?
The love of a young person is pure, sincere, strong, passionate, unbridled, devoted, but also resistant to warnings and warning signs, which should not be ignored, but – that’s how it is. He doesn’t know about calculations. For discouragement, pessimism, doubt and mistrust. The love of a young person is equally young, and thus immature.
I know about beautiful youthful love stories. And I hardly know of a beautiful and good love story that lasts from early youth. This is perhaps the biggest lack of love in that age.
After growing up together, young people in love often break up because they realize that, as personalities, they have developed significantly differently. Or, on the other hand, life challenges and situations that are not up to them keep them apart and eventually separate them. Thus, for the most part, we remember first love as a period of beginning emotional growth and development.
The love of a mature person may or may not have points of contact with the love of a young person. Moreover, even though a person is mature in terms of age, emotionally he is not true and real if he continues to love in the way he loved in his youth. A mature personality chooses an emotional partner consciously and in accordance with what is required and desired. He does not overestimate falling in love and “love at first sight”. He knows that it is not enough to be attracted to his partner’s physical appearance, nor to be delighted by his charm and humor.
A mature personality knows that part of a love story is thinking about quite ordinary, everyday and non-romantic things, which enable and preserve romance, and concern the assessment of compatibility on all important levels, communication and agreement, planning, looking into the future together.
A mature person knows not to kill romance by wondering if, when, where, how and from what they will be able to live with their chosen partner. This, of course, does not mean that he does not love purely, sincerely, strongly, passionately and devotedly. It only means that it is clear to her that love, as such and for herself, is not enough, if there are no prerequisites for its duration.
On the one hand, it could be said that a person in mature years has an advantage over a young person, because he clearly knows what he wants and does not want, what he is looking for and does not want to find, what he (cannot) tolerate, and where and what are the minimum, optimum and maximum of her needs and expectations from her partner and partner’s love.
On the other hand, the trump card in the hands of a young person is youth, the time of which he has a lot at his disposal, not just enough. A young person does not have to rush anywhere and will not be late. He doesn’t have to cling to anyone. Her biological clock is not ticking, nor any other clock. The young person is patient and relaxed. Sometimes, admittedly, also ignorant in her relaxation. Ignorant in not noticing good young people, made to enjoy love.
Let’s face it, just like a young, mature person, he also doesn’t have to rush anywhere. And he doesn’t have to cling to anyone. The fact that he feels and judges that he has to, is a matter of overlooking something important and making a mistake in the way he interprets reality. A person who feels and thinks in terms of having to, should talk to his emotions and independently, or with the help of experts, review his own beliefs and get to the core of his fears.
Do you notice that, first of all, single 30+ women who want to get married are derogatorily commented on as those who “rush”, “press”, “fish”, “get pregnant”?
Did you notice that I wrote freeand no neudate women?
And it’s not about men and women in their mature years hurrying because time flies and they think they don’t have enough of it, but about the fact that they are old enough to quickly know if and what they can have with the person they are with. And, after those who like each other realize that together they can live what they want and need – what are they waiting for? And why?
Women and men in their thirties shouldn’t need endless dating before getting married, if both partners want marriage. It is needed by a young person who does not know if, what, when and with whom he wants and needs time to get to know.
After everything I wrote, and in connection with the lines with which I started this column, I would say that there are no years that are risky as such for entering into marriage, as much as the path that preceded the decision to marry can turn out to be problematic. So, is it because a person in their mid- or late thirties decided to get married after finally finding a suitable partner, or because they decided to stop “running away from obligations”, “settle down” and “catch the last train”.
Of course, by being alone for a long time or being in an (optional) relationship that does not include living together, a person gets used to a life different from life as a couple. He inculcates his habits, learns to rely, first of all, on himself and to organize his life in accordance with his personal wishes. She can less and less be ready to compromise, and decide to leave the relationship faster and with less thought as soon as it stops being what it used to be. And all relationships cease to be what they once were because, by the nature of things, they change and develop.
However, if a person in their middle or late thirties decides to get married, after finally finding a suitable partner, they will approach the marriage responsibly, willingly, patiently, tolerantly and with great gratitude, above all. He will approach it maturely. He will not easily and thoughtlessly take risks, nor question what has been built. He will not back down at the first obstacle or problem. He will choose to stay and be, to do his best to make the long desired and finally realized work and make him happy.
If people do divorce, usually in their late thirties, it is because they feel that, up to that age, they have tried long enough and done everything to make the marriage work. And to the point that they estimate that, if they decide to divorce in their forties and years after, they will have insufficient time and chances to start over.
Source: www.sitoireseto.com
