Even in these enlightened times—when there’s so much good, non-judgmental, practical information about sex so readily available—we all still buy into the same old myths that only serve to make us feel bad about ourselves.
So many (many) women feel guilty because they can have an orgasm quickly and easily using a vibrator.
Here’s what a 50-year-old woman wrote to me this week:
“I can have an orgasm in a few minutes with a toy, but when I try with my fingers it happens very rarely. When I do, I have to watch some porn first, something I never have to do with a toy.
Also read: Why My Partner Still Masturbates Solo: Is It A Bad Sign?
“I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now and he can’t get me to orgasm, even though he turns me on a lot. If I can’t orgasm without a toy, how will I ever be able to show him what turns me on?
Also read: You will never be good at ORAL SEX if you don’t follow these rules
“I have been divorced for the last 13 years and have been using orgasm toys ever since. Could it be a problem because I’ve been using them for so many years?”
I have to say this to this woman and to all women who feel sexually inadequate for no reason.
First, you should congratulate yourself for continuing to masturbate when you are not having sex with your partner. It’s what keeps your libido high and your genitals in good shape—not to mention providing the significant physical and emotional benefits that orgasm brings.
Second, the reason you find it so easy to orgasm with a vibrator is because vibration is a very effective way to stimulate the clitoris.
Also read this: Why men fall asleep immediately after sex
Soft, warm, experienced tongue flows in seconds, but for most women, reaching orgasm with a vibrator is the fastest and most reliable method.
For many women, this is the ONLY way they experience orgasm.
You have nothing to feel guilty about: your body is simply responding as it should, to a method that works extremely well.
So zero guilt for vibrator-assisted orgasms, right?
While some women are very adept at using their fingers to stimulate the clitoris, many are not.
It’s a learned skill and, in truth, we become lazy to develop it because vibrators are so good at doing the work for us.
Also read: Are your genitals making you unhappy?
Using only a vibrator to orgasm will NOT stop you from fingering it – it just means you’re out of practice.
Either way, it’s a good idea to try to mix up how you experience orgasm, so your body (and brain) doesn’t get stuck on the same neural pathway.
Use lots of lube, fantasize, watch porn, or do anything else that turns you on, then experiment with different strokes, pressure, speed, and techniques until you find what works for you.
Also read: How to use a vibrator on a man
Yes, it will (usually) take you longer to use your fingers than a vibrator, but so what?
Sex is about a journey, not an orgasm.
When you’re happy to know what you like and what you don’t like, then it’s time to teach your new lover.
Also read: Why do some people choose POLYAMORY? Psychology explains it to us!
And if it turns out that you can’t reach orgasm using just your fingers, be honest. Say: ‘I’m so attracted to you and you turn me on so much. But I realize that I can only have an orgasm with the help of my vibrator. Would you mind if we use a vibrator for a while, bring me to climax and see what happens over time?”
You mentioned turning 50 in your longer email to me.
Age changes our bodies and sexual function and response. You may find that this is largely due to your nerve endings being less sensitive: hormone therapy or an alternative can help with this.
Also read: What is POLYAMORY and why everyone is talking about it
(If you want to learn more about hormones and sexual response in the second half of your life, my book Great Sex Starts at 50 has a lot of information on that.)
Most importantly – and this is a message to all women reading this – don’t judge yourself or your body for responding so well to vibrations.
Also read: TABOO SEX: Why kinky things turn us on so much
Vibrators are an extraordinary invention and many women would not be able to have an orgasm without them.
Be happy that you have such an amazing machine at your disposal, not annoyed that it works so well!
Source: www.sitoireseto.com
