Romantic relationships do not stagnate but develop over time. A recent meta-analysis found that relationship satisfaction tends to hit its lowest point around age 40 and after the first decade of a relationship. At these times, people tend to be the least satisfied, with 77 percent of their maximum possible relationship satisfaction.
However, most of these people are likely to stay in their relationships, and relationship trajectories may be different for people who end up separating. Indeed, findings on young adults and recent findings from a heterogeneous sample revealed that relationship satisfaction varies differently depending on the final outcome of the relationship — that is, whether the relationship lasted or ended, says PhD in psychology Janina Larissa Buhler for Psychology Today.
If you had to guess, how would you imagine the trajectories differed?
People who are in broken relationships tend to show a stronger decline in relationship satisfaction than people who are in ongoing relationships. Interestingly, they not only have lower satisfaction at the end of their breakup relationship, but also at the beginning. This means that relationships that are about to end may show early warning signs, possibly due to the personality characteristics and interaction patterns of both partners.
To give an example: Tom and Lisa, who both have low self-esteem, are more insecure in their interactions with each other and avoid conflict, even though they have relationship problems that they need to talk about. Their tendency not to talk openly manifests itself early on when they were a couple and drives them apart, contributing to their eventual breakup.
Maks and Tina, on the other hand, both have high self-esteem and are open and often talk about relationship issues, even when they are uncomfortable to talk about. Through these interactions, they get to know each other better and learn how to grow with each other.
We see that certain relationships, therefore, have a greater chance of growing, while others have a greater risk of disintegration, and that these differences become stronger over time. But importantly, nothing is predetermined in relationships – which means that even risky relationships can grow, if both partners learn to grow with each other.
Interestingly, our findings also showed that there is a certain threshold of relationship satisfaction at which couples are at risk of separation. This threshold occurs at 65 percent of the maximum possible relationship satisfaction, which is below the lowest point we have seen in steady relationships (77 percent).
These two numbers illustrate two things – that romantic relationships evolve and that relationship satisfaction can go up and down. The dips are important — at least, according to our data, when they’re below 65 percent of the maximum. But these numbers can also encourage us to relax and recognize that we don’t always have to be at the peak of pleasure to be in a relationship. Low points are normal in relationships – as long as they’re not too low.
But what happens when partners decide to separate and start a new relationship? Are they more satisfied then?
The answer seems to be yes. People who start a new relationship after a breakup tend to be more satisfied with the new relationship than they were in the previous relationship. However, relationship satisfaction still tends to decline, regardless of whether it is a previous or new relationship.
Therefore, while we may expect to be more satisfied in a new relationship—and while this is often true at the beginning of this new relationship—every relationship comes with a decline in satisfaction. This, in turn, suggests that you might be better off focusing on working on the relationship, rather than jumping from one relationship to another.
However, as noted above, if relationship satisfaction falls below a certain threshold, we may be better off ending the relationship and giving both partners a chance to be in a relationship that is in the upper third of our highest possible relationship happiness.
Source: www.sitoireseto.com
