The topic seemed to materialize by itself, after a long time of thinking and questioning, not only of myself, but also of my friends and clients. Loneliness has become like some kind of strange, mysterious virus that spreads among people.
Apparently, we have more and more opportunities to make mutual contacts, but in fact we are more and more alienated, less and less empathetic and less and less able to emotionally bond with others. More and more, our world revolves around money, and it seems that we can buy everything with it, except the feeling of personal fulfillment and true connection.
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How to achieve closeness and intimacy in such a world and is there really an ideal partner?
Unfortunately for us, there is nothing that is ideal, neither man nor woman. Somehow this fact is not the clearest in our heads. Women often want movie love, and men a perfect woman to whom they will have no obligation and a relationship in which they do not have to be committed.
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In a word, both sexes observe only a fraction of reality. Hey…well, men can’t really know every little thing you want, and on the other hand, you can’t expect to have a perfect intelligent lover that you won’t have to commit to. In reality, such combinations of traits do not exist.
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Are we so stubborn or is it just easier for us to think in extremes?
Sex is another aspect of life that is idealized. There must always be great sex in a relationship, he/she must know what I like at all times. Physical appearance becomes the central selection criterion and we all go to some training sessions, where we work on our body.
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Great, we exercise the body…but what about that “healthy spirit in a healthy body”…where is our spirit, and where is our soul? What do we do for her? We want a lot, but we wouldn’t if we tried. We simply would if something happened. “I don’t like to plan, I like to be spontaneous”… we can often hear… Things can be spontaneous, but not ideally spontaneous… you still have to say, show, do something…
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This attitude often results in a philosophy of zero or extreme tolerance.
We tolerate everything, out of fear that we won’t find anything better, and we stay in relationships that are worn out and are more of a habit than a love relationship, or we tolerate absolutely nothing, because everyone is replaceable and/or because we want to win in some imagined psychological game of dominance.
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From the position of a woman, I am not even of the opinion that today’s woman, who is self-aware, self-reliant and responsible, wants an ideal. I would rather say that today’s woman wants a man who can be with her on the same track of life. The emancipation of women brought her greater opening into society and the improvement of today’s women is certainly in a certain way a much bigger leap compared to some earlier historical periods, than is the case with men who move through history with more stable and uniform steps.
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Therefore, the demands of women today and in the past are drastically different, and therefore men themselves are still not used to how to deal with this change, that is, they have not adapted enough. Higher requirements, accordingly, mean more investment, more effort, effort and therefore less emotional ties.
In a world where, by the way, things go too fast, there is often not enough time to achieve emotional connection and closeness, and therefore it is very easy to resort to different substitutes for essential human contact (I am seeing someone, he/she is my scheme, combination, etc.).
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Emotional opening is rare, and when it does happen, the person becomes hypersensitive to the first signs of disapproval of some of their behaviors, generalizes things and closes in their shell, not giving the other party a chance to show and express themselves. The starting premise seems to have become that people are such that they will hurt us and that emotionality means weakness.
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“When you’re emotional, you’re weak, you’re susceptible to manipulation…”, I’ve heard many times in psychological conversations. Why does emotionality necessarily mean recklessness, irresponsibility towards oneself?
It is true that when we are in love we are blind, but falling in love prepares us to adapt to our partner and to move to the next phase of a natural human relationship, as well as to build relationships that are more permanent and in which we as people develop, learn, respect and spread love .
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However, by closing in on ourselves, we never, unfortunately, even reach the stage of falling in love, but only satisfy the instinctive part of the personality, which as a rule leads to imbalance, feelings of emptiness, and it takes a lot of work on ourselves to change the behavior that is rooted. Or we stay forever in this stage, prolonging it and thereby avoiding taking responsibility for the next stage.
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Fairy tale princes do not exist, nor do princesses, but there are real people in real time.
Define your standards, it’s important. It is even more important to define which standards are vital to you and make up your essence. This is what the partner needs to fulfill.
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Some standards will not be fully met, but it does not mean that this person may not be your future life partner. A good and quality relationship is made up of the people in it and their actions, not just the magic of the first meeting that we expect to last forever.
Source: www.sitoireseto.com
