The number one topic was and is – love. To yourself and your partner, and then to others. Self-love, of course, turned out to be and always turns out to be directly related to love for others. Only those who love themselves healthily, freely and spontaneously love others – those who know, understand and accept each other well, have self-confidence and self-respect, and know how to deal with personal boundaries.
Many will say that those who do not love themselves cannot love others. I can’t agree and I can say that – I can. How – is another question. Or first and foremost.
The answer is usually and most often – colored by the fear of being left behind, with a lot of silence, adapting to the other, pleasing him and neglecting himself and his own.
Also read this: What does unlucky love teach us?
Among the most numerous so far, unfortunately, are female clients who turn to me for support and help after realizing that they have been tolerating (too) long and suffering dissatisfaction with their partner’s behavior and relationship with him.
Also read this: Couples who (don’t) argue
What most often makes them dissatisfied? That there is no passion, closeness or love. That differences cannot be synchronized or reconciled. The fact that they want one thing, while their partners want something completely different – from the present and the future of the relationship.
The fact that they cannot (can’t) talk and (understand) each other with their partners. The fact that problems are ignored and not solved, put aside and under the carpet. What has become predictable is understood and taken for granted. That which – simply – is not that. And so it is.
Also read this: Why narcissism dominates relationships – destructive behavior patterns that we don’t let go of
Female clients who (too) long tolerate and suffer dissatisfaction with their partner’s behavior and relationship with him usually rarely meet potential partners, are afraid of loneliness and (irrationally) believe that the current partner is the only and last chance to be in a relationship.
Also read this: You don’t have time for love and sex?! Plan love and sexual encounters with your partner. Here’s how and why!
In connection with this, I would like to underline that it is necessary and very important to know one’s own (in)ability, but also to be aware that it is possible to challenge, test and correct them. Some are more open, some are more closed.
Someone can do everything right away, someone needs more time. Someone goes from relationship to relationship, while someone gets strongly attached to one partner and spends his whole life with him. Some can’t, don’t want and don’t know how to go from relationship to relationship – while some others can’t, don’t want and don’t know how to commit to non-freedom.
You cannot become someone else, nor would it be good to strive for it, but – as you are, you can grow to a height from which you can see better and breathe easier. And from such a place, you will agree, it is better to choose and decide.
Also read this: Road to breakup – He doesn’t feel like having sex because she’s faking an orgasm
Among the many female clients, unfortunately, there are also those who are magnetically attracted to Mr. Zverko – a man who comes from nowhere and, what is even more striking, always leaves somewhere – unexpectedly and suddenly.
Zverka is someone who wills and won’t, can and can’t, (finally) realizes and feels – until he realizes that he hasn’t realized and doesn’t feel. Something is always stronger than Zverka and something is always more important to Zverka than the relationship with you. Zverka has a good will and would do anything, but – you can’t see it and it doesn’t say anything in support of it.
Also read this: Dangerous identification with the idea of what an ideal partner, relationship or marriage should look like – Why are you hurting me?! That hurts me!
The beast is usually deeply wounded, but – for his wound, there is no plaster or cure. Zverka is, in short, an impregnable conqueror. A man whom many women want to tame, “get” and tie to themselves.
However, as these women’s efforts are frustrated again and again and to the limit – the capacity to deal with such a hurtful experience on their own diminishes more and more.
It is up to the women who persistently fall in love with Mr. Zverka to see and think carefully about the style, i.e. the pattern of one’s emotional attachment.
Also read this: What should you ask yourself before you say it’s over?
To understand where the attraction to such a man comes from and see where they are looking so they don’t see that the current partner is similar to all the previous ones. Beforehand, in fact, it is always and certainly good to think and understand.
Also read this: Are women who do not want to have children selfish?
It is also up to those in love with Zverka to work through their own beliefs about love and come to the point that love is not hot and cold, nor to win their own self-confidence by showing off to an unconquerable man.
That by moving away from those who persistently move away – they come to themselves. Confused, disappointed, hurt and angry at themselves.
Many clients I have worked with and still work with are restrained in expressing their emotions to their partner. They do not want to be exposed and, in the worst case, so vulnerable and “weak” to be hurt, tricked, abused and abandoned.
Also read this: The woman’s dominance in the partner relationship – when the woman is the main one in the marriage
They don’t want to risk discomfort and pain. They keep a lot of sensitive and difficult things to themselves. They avoid conflicts, fearing the consequences they could have on the relationship.
Also read this: Life on the border of good and evil – how and why hurt people continue to hurt others
Essentially, they are afraid of both the other and themselves – especially in meeting that which they never wanted to meet in themselves. However, it is precisely in the vulnerable, scared and “weak” in them that the source of their greatest strength lies.
And feeling one’s own emotions, and having a courageous dialogue with them and communicating them, is especially useful and healing for these clients.
Also read this: Closeness and optimal distance in a relationship – how do we find the right measure?
It is also up to them to explore, release and carefully hone their voice. A voice that communicates an opinion, an attitude, a need, a desire, a request, a limit – taking it for yourself. It is up to them to release themselves in freedom, spontaneity and authenticity of feeling and being themselves.
Also read this: Do you have a partner, but it’s like you don’t have one? Feeling lonely in a relationship? Need something more?
As my practical experience shows, many women, unfortunately, settle for less in love, do not dare to want and ask for more and do not believe that there is and can be better.
Fortunately, something can be done with everything inside. Even the non-existent can be built. You just need to start, start, take the first step. Don’t let what you can manage control you.
Source: www.sitoireseto.com
